I’ve been feeling particularly down in the dumps this past week, partly due to the realisation my chronic back pain means I’m never going to be a paramedic, something I really wanted to do. Partly because I have lost any interest or motivation for my work, partly because I’ve no idea where I want to be heading, partly because I have no idea how to get there and for a great heap of other reasons that I can’t pin down or describe.
Some days it’s been quite bad. Some days it’s been better. Some days I feel like I need to address the negative and harming thoughts and get myself to the doctor. Most days I’m too scared to do that.
I was listening to ‘Late night love’, a particularly dire local radio show, last night while having a shower. They were taking calls from listeners, these calls are usually about failed relationships, and something one caller said struck me. He said,
A little star will always rise somehow
This phrase gave me great support. I know that yesterdays little star was the successful completion of my first aid course. My partner said he was proud of me.
I hope that when I’m feeling hopeless, terrible and frightened I’ll be able remember that phrase and find another little star.
It can be so so hard to see the good among the bad. So I now intend to look for it.